ATC Humour - Melbourne AACC Quote Book - 1977-81
"HJE report position."
Alitalia 168, descend to five thousand."
to FNT [an F-27]: "Turn right heading 350 - and reduce to 180 knots
Service] to ARR: "Standby"
After the "Next" call from the Tower. DEP [Departures]: "Qantas 1 - unrestricted. Where's he going?"
on the grapevine from MB [Moorabbin]
2 [an Electra freighter] en-route Launy [Launceston]
406 MI [Mildura] - GTH [Griffith] FL370
Approach controller at the Ron King Memorial Window, watching an F-27 on downwind for [Runway] 27: "He has a long way to go downwind. He's with me and I'm over here."
[Senior Terminal Area Controller] to APP(R) [Approach Radar]:
pilot in ROG operating in the BCS [Bacchus Marsh] training area was
suspected of penetrating R362D. Asked to turn on to a heading of 360
for identification, ROG complied.
balloon has escaped from Westfield [Shopping Centre].
2 - 22 nm NE inbound, advised - "It's like home up here - I'm
not getting Plenty [locator]."
is without radar due industrial dispute. ML CTL to northbound DC-9:
"It's all done by mirrors."
ARR: "Did you know AST landed at BDG [Bendigo]?"
"What have you done, Kingy?"
BP on the gentle art of Flow control to trainee "Obviously TJM is going to be number...er,...whatever he is."
1 to STAC: "What did my wife say when you told her I'd be late?"
TBM [a B727] inbound for RWY 34. TWR advises that the sea-breeze has arrived and there is downwind on both RWY 16 and RWY 34: "TBM, we'll take whichever is the longest." !!!
[Route Surveillance Radar] off for the day)
Approach controller - after being told to show visitors around, leaps to his feet and shouts: "I suppose they are all bloody nymphomaniacs like the last time!" - just as three women pilots enter the room.
the west for PILS [Practice ILS] RWY 27: "MMS request miles to
Sec 2: "Could you tell aircraft as far back as Singapore (SQ)
that the CRG [Corryong] VOR is returned to service."
ML TWR: "New ATI [Automatic Terminal Information] - OSCAR....(pause)....hang on, L...M...N...O...yep, that's it, OSCAR."
co-ordinating with DEP(S) and APP: "If I break him east of the
field he's mine. If I go right unrestricted he's everybody's. Have
you got any restrictions?"
A trying to descibe Controller B: "The fellow with dark hair,
a moustache, and flies."
"BMG, for orbiting make one right hand sequence."
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